One promise I made to
myself when I first started University was that I would take every opportunity
I was given. Considering the journey, I have taken to get to this point- I want
to embrace it. However, when an opportunity arose to travel 350 miles across
the world and experience life in Belgium for a week, I was tempted to break my
promise. 4 months into Uni life, I was still faced with the weekly battle of
commute, the traveling still hurt, the train journeys still daunted me, life
away from home even for a couple of days a week still filled me with anxiety-
so how on earth was I to prepare myself for such a trip?
In the weeks leading up to our departure, my doubt grew more each
day, as did my jealousy of my fellow classmates, to them it was a free holiday,
a chance to explore and discover the world, a trip of a lifetime... I wished
for it to be that for me too, I wished that the nights it kept me awake was due
to excitement, not fear, I wished that the conversations had about it filled me
with joy, not dread. I wished that for once I could just do and be like
everyone else. As they planned their trip I heard them talk about the things
they wanted to see, what they wanted to buy... They had so many questions, like
where's the nearest bar? What's the food like? My questions, however, were a
little different...
Where are we staying- Can I access our hostel facilities
independently? Can I reach the beds? The showers? Door handles? Light switches?
How far are we walking-Will I be able to manage the distance each
day? How high are the pavements? Are they flat? Are there stairs? Will I be
able to keep up walking with the rest of the group?
What is the culture like? Has Belgium people ever seen dwarfism
before?
CAN I EVEN PHYSICALLY MANAGE TO GET ONTO THE COACH TO GET US
THERE?!
That's it. I'm not going. I had decided. It wasn't worth the
hassle- and besides no one would want to be burdened with me. Now don't get me
wrong, my classmates, my tutors, they're lovely and have accepted me
unconditionally since day one, however, they had yet to see me outside of
student life, they had yet to see just what life with a little person entails,
so far, they had only seen the strong me, the confident me, the me that didn't
let life get in her way... I finally had a network around me where no one had
belittled me, no one pointed the finger, no one saw me as anything other than
just myself. After 12 years in education, never quite fully accepted, I finally
had it. And I was going to let nothing take that away-So no, I'm not going.
But by this point... it was a little too late... we were well on
our way.... 350 miles away from home.... 350 miles away from everything I had
ever know and more to the point had known me. As we stepped foot in Bruges I
knew I was about to embark on a journey that had ever potential to break me if
I let it.
But I didn't.
Fast forward two weeks as I write this, and still I am trying to
take in what was a whirlwind of an experience. I find it hard to put into words... See my vlog- "A Belgium babble" for the in's and out of my
emotions. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUzUshSSnm)
However, two do spring to mind... Life. Changing. In some ways
Belgium was everything I feared it to be, physically I exhausted myself each
and every day- I pushed myself to my limit. But whilst doing so I also realised
that my limits weren't what I thought they were. Despite the pain and the
physical weight, I felt on my shoulders, I still got up and embarked on each
day's adventure, despite anxieties I mixed with people I'd never met... despite
my desire to stay in my comfort zone, I grabbed every opportunity Belgium gave
me. I fulfilled my promise.
And ok, I had to ask for help every now and then... But doesn't
everyone? Ok, granted, my classmates may not ask me to reach stuff for them
(If they did we'd be screwed) but I'm pretty sure in the next three years I'll
come in useful for something. One day they'll look to me in a time of need...
when they drop a pen on the floor for example...😜 My point is, we can't all do everything, we all have
different skills, different talents.... reaching things off tall shelves or
climbing 20 flights of stairs just happens to not be one of mine! But that
doesn't make us any less of a person than those next to us, and maybe yes, my
trip required a little more planning than my classmates, perhaps I did have
more to consider than they did. But despite what I first thought, the trip was
for me, everything it was for them and in fact, was even more.
Because I didn't just get to discover the world, I also discovered
myself.
Dedications: A few special thank you's...
To my USW girls,
For being the best bunch of friends, I could ask for. Thank you
for making me feel 6ft tall!💗💗
To my tutors,
Mick... For such a fantastic opportunity, which taught me more
than I could've ever anticipated
Hannah... For helping me spread my wings but also for being there
at times where I forgot how to fly
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